Unfortunately, those heathens at the the online auction house disappointed those wanting to do the Lord’s bidding (cue drum & cymbal) on the various items, as eBay execs began removing the “murderabilia.” Hmm. Maybe fundraisers would have better luck with this site. I mean, come on! Who wouldn’t want any of this stuff?

Items organizers said were being donated for the auction include several drawings submitted by Roeder; an Army of God manual that describes dozens of ways to shut down abortion clinics; and a prison cookbook compiled by Shelley Shannon, who shot Tiller in 1993 and is serving time for clinic arsons and bombings.

On Sunday, however, the only items listed were a document of religious instruction written by a convicted clinic bomber and a Bible that belonged to Shannon.

“It has all the pro-life passages highlighted,” [auction organizer Dave] Leach said of the Bible.

Interesting. Perhaps bomber/attempted murderer Shannon highlighted this oldie but goodie from Exodus 20:13: “THOU SHALL NOT KILL.”  For ilk who tend to state that the Bible does not consist of a buffet of laws that we mortals get to selectively choose to obey, they sure seem to be glossing over one of the Decalogue’s Greatest Hits.

Well, now we learn that the pro-life-but-really-only-for-zygotes folks not only disregard the laws of God and eBay, but they also disdain those of our nation’s copyright system. As cartoonist Rob Tornoe notes in a piece on Daryl Cagle’s Political Cartoonists Index, among the artworks included in the auction items was a cartoon done by an associate of Roeder’s that blatantly plagiarizes an image produced by a syndicated cartoonist:

One of the pieces of artwork supplied by Jason Dubrowski, friend and fellow inmate of Roeder, is strikingly similar to a political cartoon by cartoonist Gary McCoy, who is syndicated by Cagle Cartoons.

The piece in question features a scene full of graves labeled ‘aborted baby’ with a newspaper that has blown in with the headline, ‘Late-term abortion doctor killed. Pres. Obama “shocked and outraged.”‘

It is also signed by Roeder.

Here are the images in question — Dubrowski’s version at top, McCoy’s original at bottom. 

Guess in this case, theft is a bizarre, tasteless form of flattery. Even the same cartoonish, creepy tree lurks in the background. Also note that according to the cross-engraved headstones, all these dead babies appear to be Christian (or in Dubrowski’s take, positively-charged battery terminals). Clearly, this is yet more evidence of the Athiest-Muslim-Jewish alliance’s conspiracy to rid the world of the true peoples of God!

We won’t even get into the discussion about how choice foes are also typically anti-birth control and discourage family planning, which pretty much nulls the claims to reason they attempt to make, be it in print, person or cartoon form. 

At least the auction did include one of Roeder’s original works – and it even invokes Biblical allegory!

I see Roeder has a future as staff cartoonist for the prison newsletter.

Well, a group called Citizens for Crime Reduction would like you to know what future awaits if said sales tax is NOT extended– take a look at this mailer that is circulating around town:

Yes, JaxCountians! If you see fit to reject this extension, prepare to become a veritable Heartland Hadithah, as COMBAT is the only thing preventing the city and county from becoming a military-occupied parcel of land! Better learn your Arabic characters, because the Shiite is about to go down!

While we’re indulging in overwrought similes, COMBAT is also like George Bailey in It’s a Wonderful Life in that if the tax didn’t exist, that mean old Mr. Potter would run Bedford Falls Kansas City into the ground with his drug empire, and Mary Hatch would likely be turning tricks for an eight-ball of coke.

Listen, we get that COMBAT contributes to some worthwhile drug treatment and prevention programs. But drawing references to Iraq is waaaaay over the top. It has no relevance whatsoever to this discussion. If you’re looking for an Iraq “with drugs,” we have a more apt comparison for you: Afghanistan.

Yes, it’s the severed head of a deer.

Jason Miller, an animal rights activist, got the deer head from a meat processor and brought it to Shawnee Mission Park today.

He wanted to graphically demonstate what is about to happen to 75 percent of a herd of deer in Shawnee Mission Park that is estimated to be about 700.

Oh, sweet lord. Who goes to a meat processor and asks for a deer’s head? And who places said head in a basket and leaves it for officials? Insanity, thy name is Jason Miller. But it gets so much better.

Miller referred to the deer head as Victoria and said that if the “planned slaughter” goes forward, “I (Victoria) will be the future face of Shawnee Mission Park, which would in turn come to be known as Death Park.”

Um. You f’ing named it? You… you do realize it’s just a severed head, right? And not an actual living creature? We do like the part about “Death Park,” though. Kind of catchy, and it would probably clear out the jogging trails a bit. The bottom line here, though, is a) environmentalists know no dramatic bounds, and b) Jason Miller’s mind works in odd ways.

Your move, park officials.

The biggest thrill of the day comes courtesy of the Star‘s photo set from a party at a place where I’d be murdered south Overland Park motorsports… dealer, or something. The photographer caught this priceless scene, where an obviously intoxicated female reluctantly gives her digits to a very demanding gentleman. Please believe us when we say you simply must look through every photo.

Jason decides to kick things off with a little example of just how insanely popular he is. See, he knows famous people!

If you read my columns, you know I like rap music. I use some of the slang in my writing.

If you know me personally, you know I’m friends or friendly with many of this city’s rap artists. You may have seen me out socializing with Tech N9ne, Krizz Kaliko, Big Scoob, Skatterman, Snug Brim and the Rogue Dogg Villians. Rich the Factor and I hang out at the same spot before we hit the casino. I’ve never met him, but I think Ron Ron might be Kansas City’s breakout mainstream rapper.

See, this is what we’re talking about. First of all, we don’t need an enumeration of your circle of friends. Second, what’s the point of this phrase: “Rich the Factor and I hang out at the same spot before we hit the casino”? It has exactly one purpose, and that is to promote the interests of one Jason Whitlock, Locally Famous Person. Awful. This should have been struck by an editor immediately. It doesn’t add context, sir — it adds self-aggrandizement.

I’m a grown man. I was raised by two street-smart, employed parents with strong values. I had the support of an older brother, two grandmothers, two uncles, a college-educated stepsister and countless others. As a kid, we moved from the ghetto into a suburban apartment complex. I lived there for nine straight years. My upbringing — except for my senior year of high school — was stable, and then I moved to a college campus.

What is this, a personal ad? All you’re doing in this section is illustrating that, despite your contention, you have exactly no authority or expertise in street culture.

A typical college brawl transpires at a bar or a party and alcohol is usually involved. When groups collide at 10 a.m. in the middle of campus, that sounds like gang activity. I’m not calling the basketball and football teams gangs. I’m saying some of the kids are mimicking the behavior of gangs.

Ah, the classic logic cop-out — almost as bad as the “slippery slope” argument. See what Jason did there? “X has all the characteristics of Y. But X is not Y. X simply exhibits the traits of Y.” This is a stunningly disingenuous argument whose only purpose is to spare the writer the criticism that would come if he said what he really means, which is “X is definitely Y.” Jason, we suspect, would not do well on the LSAT.

Jason then decides to just translate things for all the old, white squares reading this column.

Let me translate these ramblings. Taylor is saying N-words are staring at him in a menacing fashion (muggin) and he’s returning the mean glares. Taylor also is saying he’s always a gangster (G) about it. Morris’ use of the word “cuz” is interesting. As far as we know, Taylor and Morris are not related. Young people now refer to their closest friends as “fam” (short for family). About the only people still using the slang “cuz,” which was popular in the ’80s, are the Crips, a popular street gang. I’m not calling Morris a Crip. I’m saying he might be mimicking the behavior of Crips.

Ah, there it is again! Morris is not a Crip — but he does mimic the behavior. But I only said mimic, so you can’t get mad at me!

They’re kids. They’re swept up in a culture that preaches to them on their iPods that the way to handle any dispute is with violence. Rep your ’hood (team). Never hesitate to put a N-word on his back. Bitches ain’t (spit).

This is a sad, sad day for the local paper of record. You think William Rockhill Nelson ever envisioned the phrases “put a N-word on his back” or “Bitches ain’t (spit)” in his paper? Yeah, probably not. And not because the phrases didn’t exist, but because he likely never thought such blatant self-promotion and purposeful controversy-generation could find its way into his publication.

There’s a fine line between writing insightful, thought-provoking columns which spark debate and writing poorly reasoned columns strictly designed to spark debate. Jason Whitlock crossed that line long ago, and his current work does a disservice to both sports journalism and cultural analysis.

It doesn’t take a talk show host to make reasonable, rational individuals realize there is something wrong with the way this country is being run today… News flash to the left: You don’t own the First Amendment… It seems to me the 9/12 protesters are the very people who are trying to save this republic… The “progressives” of 1776 gave their lives, fortunes and sacred honor so we can be free. The “progressives” of 2009 in no way resemble the “progressives” of the American Revolution… The 2009 progressives want enslavement to the government… Don’t call yourself a progressive and then say you’re in the same league with Washington, Jefferson, Adams and Franklin, because you’re not even close.

Well. I’m not sure I have the energy to point out exactly why Ms. Zubeck has deep-sixed reality so fervently, but perhaps a message to the respective sides will help us end at least one theater of this war: the Star‘s letters section. Because, you know, we need more room for stuff like this. Anyway, to the lecturing.

To the right, we say this:

Honestly, your devotion to principle is admirable. We’re glad there are people so concerned about protection of individual rights that they’ll write letters, go to marches, and warn of consequences. That’s great. It really is. Our question is this: where was all this for the last eight years? Did you simply not notice when 43 turned the military into an imperial force? Or the half-trillion dollar Medicare expansion? How about the creation of a new federal department, or the expansion of wiretapping, email surveying, and government surveillance under the absurdly named Patriot Act? If you’re so concerned about executive power, why were you so quiet during eight years of the biggest swelling of executive power in a generation — not to mention a doubling of the deficit using financial chicanery like keeping the war off the books? And can you please recall that the Wall St. bailout was passed under Bush, as was the beginning of the auto bailout? And that every president has czars, and that the system was started by Nixon? Can you maybe understand, since you waited until a black guy was in charge to start yelling about things, that racism might cross people’s minds now and then?

So surely you understand how people might see your cries as hypocrisy. And surely you can recognize that your bloviators — Hannity, Beck, et al — are just as bad as the left’s bloviators (Olbermann, Moore, etc.). No one is trying to silence you or shut down your message; in case you hadn’t noticed, you guys sort of own corporate media, which forms all the messages. Here’s our advice to you, if you’d like to win this battle: always focus on finances. Always. People like their freedom, but they love their paychecks. If you’re going to be up in arms over the health care reform proposals, stick with warnings about deficits and de facto taxes (which are perfectly valid concerns). When you get caught up in calling Obama a socialist (a word that lost its cultural cachet 20 years ago, so find something else) or focus on the birther movement, you’re just wasting time. Convince people that expanded deficits are unacceptable, and you win. Where are those letters? The calm, reasoned arguments for fiscal restraint — could we see some of those, please, instead of angry dispatches from a ritzy suburb?

To the left, we say this:

Think we’re on your side based on the preceding text? We’re not. You’re being just as ridiculous. Crying racism every time someone criticizes your guy is preposterous. There are all too many valid complaints to be made about the administration thus far; in fact, things haven’t really deviated too much from the Bush course so far. The guy you fought so hard to elect hasn’t changed state secrets, much of war policy, or deficit expansion. Many parts of the stimulus were questionable at best, and pork-laden boondoggles at worst.

Obama is not a messiah, and he can do wrong. He has already. So you need to cool it with the racism charges, and with the indignation over the loss of jobs. That’s not a political thing; it’s just the way the world operates. Capitalist systems exploit inefficiences and streamline production processes — thus, more automation and the loss of the those manufacturing jobs you loved for so long. Let’s face it: the U.S. manufacturing sector has been a Potemkin village for a generation. Stop thinking that Obama can bring those jobs back. He can’t. No one can. They’re gone for good.

And let’s let go of the devotion to unions already, huh? Yeah, corporations are often greedy and corrupt. You know who else is often greedy and corrupt? Unions. When you get mad over the shunning of SEIU, or grow angry at the right over the ACORN controversy (and was there ever a more cartoonish and obviously guilty organization?), please recall that groups on your side have done some bad stuff in their day.

Clamoring for health care reform isn’t the answer. Yes, it’s a shame that so many millions of people don’t have health insurance, but there are perfectly logical economic reasons to oppose universal care. So can you maybe accept that when someone criticizes the proposal, it might not necessarily be because of racism? And that maybe it’s because this country faces a devaluing of the dollar, deficits at unacceptable proportions of GDP, and a perilously frail financial system — and so maybe it’s not the best time to enact a $1 trillion spending program?

Anyway.

Let’s all just take a deep breath, okay? There are calm and reasoned things you can do to make a difference for your cause. Penning letter after letter accusing the other side of everything but murder isn’t going to help you. Leave the Star‘s letters section alone for a little while. Go outside. Have you noticed we’re having a two-month stretch of San Diego-ish weather? Take a walk. Go to the zoo. Have a picnic. Just please, please stop the hyperbole. It’s enough already, Kansas City.