Russ Ptacek Will Spare KC From Faux-Ichthyoid Menace

charlietunagivingafriendlywaveIf there’s one thing that local newsman and “investigator” Russ Ptacek is good at, it’s over-emoting getting to the heart of a shady story. And by god, the good sir has not let us down this time. Recently, Russ Toomanyconsonants went undercover into the heart of Kansas City’s most merciless, unforgiving, dangerous turf: local seafood restaurants! The cause? Why, those dastardly shrimp-slingers are claiming to serve grouper while actually serving — gasp! — other fish! The delicate taste buds of Ptacek will not stand for such fraud. And to prove his point, he’ll… do something kind of creepy.

We took samples from each restaurant and sent them to the Guy Harvey Research Institute at Nova Southeastern University in Florida.

“She’s actually going to extract the DNA from the sample,” said Professor Mahmood Shivji as a technician extracted a thin slice of frozen fish retrieved from one of the tested Kansas City restaurants.

Ah, delightful. Can’t you just picture poor Russ trucking into 20 local seafood joints armed with a whole package of plastic bags, then rushing to get the samples on ice and ship them off to something called “Nova Southeastern University”? No doubt the academic credentials on that place are solid. Anyway, the real surprise was this:

The Savoy in Kansas City, Bonefish Grill in Leawood, and Islamorada in the Independence Bass Pro Shop served the fish promised on the menu.

Um, what? The Savoy and the Bonefish Grill we can see. Those are fairly nice places. But when the apex of Kansas City culinaria is located in the Bass Pro Shop in Methdependence… things are awry.

In any event, I highly recommend you watch the video. Try and count how many times Ptacek blinks in his concluding remarks. Spoiler: it’s ZERO. Yikes.

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