Amateur Metro Area Poet Rhymes Way Into Star‘s Letters Section

oldbillshakespeareYou know what the local paper of record is missing? Poetry. Sweet, sweet poetry — preferably lyrical paeans to current events. Well, wait no more, because Carolyn S. Alter of the outer suburbs — Gladstone, to be precise —  is about to rock the Star like it’s a grad school poetry slam. Her subject? Allergies. Um. Take it away, Carolyn!

Now I lay me down to sleep
My sinuses drain, I cannot sleep.
If I should drown before the dawn
At least this drainage will be gone.
I try to make the trickle stop
Two pink pills, then one cough drop.
Allergy season seems so long
My will to conquer’s still quite strong.
I cough, I sputter, it drains, I shudder
I think I inherited this from my mother!

Oh… oh, no. Where to begin? With the opening couplet, in which she pairs “sleep” with itself? With the opening line, stolen from the classic poem? With the totally disjointed meter? With the awkward pairing of “shudder” with “mother”?

No, no. We won’t do anything like that. It’s wonderful that the Star is expanding the horizon of its letters section, and will no longer simply publish angry rants about the idiocy of the gover — oh, wait.


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