Your Firearms Are Useless Against Them!

beesinseminalsnlsketchAs if urban blight and a failing public school system weren’t enough, eh? Turns out that our fair city is now facing a threat in the form of winged, stinging creatures. Yes, it’s true: giant swarms of killer bees have invaded the metro area. Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating the “killer” part — but check out what a nuisance these things are:

The Kansas City Royals called in beekeepers twice in recent weeks to remove swarms, one on a camera behind home plate and another near a gate in right field.

And in late May, a swarm attached itself to the back of a woman’s car in a Country Club Plaza parking garage.

Man. Why won’t you learn your place, insects of the world? We are the more advanced species here, and if we choose to play diamond-based sporting events in the middle of what has been your habitat for millions of years, then that’s our prerogative. You can just take your queen and your drones and get the hell out of here. Oh, and did anyone have any idea how many bees are included in the “swarm” designation?

Rheuben Johnson of A-Bee’s Honeybee Removal at the Kill Creek Nature Center removed the two swarms May 29 before the Royals’ game against the Chicago White Sox. He estimated the swarms totaled about 75,000 bees. The swarm near the right field gate was one of the largest he’s ever seen — about 50,000 bees.

Good. Lord. 50,000 bees? We’re gonna need a bigger… whatever you keep bees in.


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