Potential Cervidaeicide Scandal Reaches Fever Pitch

tommyboydeerincarAs you may have heard, there is a serious deer problem in Shawnee Mission Park. Apparently those fleet-footed ungulates are a-tramplin’ over other species of wildlife, not to mention becoming a serious nuisance for area drivers, hikers, and surreptitious outdoor marijuana enthusiasts. But rest easy: tonight the JoCo Parks and Recreation Board will at last consider a proposal to forcibly eject many of the deer from the world of the living — via, somewhat unbelievably, sharpshooters and archers. What is this, a Norman conquest?

Park officials who developed the proposal say it is the most effective and efficient method to reduce a deer population estimated at 400. Residents near the park have complained that deer are foraging for food in their subdivisions during the winter because there isn’t enough food in the park for the herd.Wildlife experts have testified that the size of the herd is even upsetting the park’s ecological system. The district also has received complaints concerning an increased number of deer ticks.

A large contingent of JoCo tree-huggers is expected to turn out to air the usual liberal views on something called “being kind of animals,” but I think we know how this will turn out. The gun-totin’, Schlitz-swillin’ contingent from the Western ‘burbs (Lenexa, Shawnee, and the like) will convince the board to send Bambi to that great big meadow in the sky.


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