Sigh. You knew it had to come to this, I guess. In what can only be a sign of a) Walt Disney’s last revenge, or b) the incredible levels of boredom among local reprobates, Kansas City criminals are turning to popular cartoon characters in the packaging of their dastardly wares. The concern, obviously, is that the drugs may attract the most lilliputian of area residents — but not for the reasons you might think.
Drugs shaped like popular cartoon characters, including Snoopy and Transformers, are showing up in Kansas City, and local officials are worried that children could mistake the dangerous tablets for vitamins or candy.
Okay, candy we could understand. But exactly who are the kids combing the streets clamoring for vitamins? Wouldn’t those kids be just the geekiest street toughs imaginable? (“Alright, punk, hand over your Flintstones multiples! And your cherry-flavored zinc supplements!”) The story gets even weirder, though:
The brightly colored pills have turned up shaped like President Obama’s head, along with Homer and Bart Simpson, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and other characters. Experts say the pills target teens and young adults to promote the drug as light fun, rather than a dangerous experiment.
Obama’s head? Alright, this high approval rating has gone too far. How long until the right starts to blame the drug epidemic on the stimulus bill? Socialist-approved heroin, no doubt. And the Simpsons? And TMNT characters? Are these drugs leftovers from 1996? Get with it, criminals — maybe those vitamin nerds can clue you in.