Sprint Finally Finds Way To Be Useful In Modern Economy: Sponsor 222-Year-Old Constitutional Decree

signingthedeclarationin1776Local wireless company Sprint-Nextel-Global-PCS-Telephonium is not known for — how to put this delicately? — being successful. Most Sprint-centric news falls within the “millions of customers lost yet again” category, and their advertising is woefully underwhelming, featuring as it does a trenchcoated Dan Hesse prowling the streets of Manhattan like a vagrant. But the Overland Park-based company may have at long last found its niche. How does one compete with the Verizons and Apples of the world when you lack similar cachet and cultural prestige? Why, how about becoming the exclusive wireless sponsor of Article 1, Section 2 of the United States Constitution? Now that’s a way to stay hip!

Next year the United States Census Bureau will announce the headcount from its once-a-decade nationwide census, the result of a four-year process run by systems integrator Harris Corporation and Sprint, the census’s exclusive wireless data provider. This will be the first census to be fully automated through Sprint’s wireline and wireless data support allowing for the real-time collection of data.

Bravo, Sprint! This will do doubt do wonders for your stock price. Rumor alert: we hear that Hesse is quietly negotiating for the data rights to the Magna Carta, and that he is close to inking a deal to become the official wireless provider for the Dutch East India Company.

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Filed under Economics, Law, Sprint

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