Royals Fail In Baseballing, Excel In Good Ol’ American-ing

IMG_1498This is a photo I took myself at game 2 of today’s Angels/Royals twofer. As you can see, a Kansas City resident is proudly digging into his Sheridan’s custard in an attempt to win… a free t-shirt. Bravo, be-sunglassed competitive eater. Tonight was a glorious night for baseball, and I decided to share a few more snapshots of the state of affairs over at “The K” (because the team always insists on putting annoying quotation marks around the stadium’s nickname), where baseball is not quite the organization’s specialty and laughter is plentiful. Unfortunately, the LOLing too often comes at the expense of the team and the franchise. Read on for a glimpse of life at the Truman Sports Complex.

Here’s our pal Willie Bloomquist — who bears a striking resemblance to a certain movie sidekick — and who is stuck with a very sad fun fact indeed. Stealing a base 12 days ago to tie a three-year-old record? Um… yay?


Then there’s Billy Butler, whose profile pic proudly displays the “Damn, just got my third DUI” look.


The Sprint Text Challenge appears to be a fan favorite. No one in my party competed because — well, because we’re not fourteen-year-old girls.


OMG! Colon right parenthesis!

The Royals also do their part to promote gambling addiction, as evidenced by the roulette-ish “loudest section” competition. Section 308 won, eliciting loud boos (seriously) from the rest of the stadium.


The best fun fact the team could come up with for probable schizophrenic Ryan Freel was a four-year-old record — from another team.


A foul ball became stuck atop metal netting near our seats, drawing an angry mob of pre-teens and creepy, older ball-seekers demanding that someone throw down the ball.


Especially vocal was this gentleman, who kept trying to get my party to join him in an awkward chant of “THROW THE BALL (clapclapclap).” Only a concerted group effort of averted gazes and fake conversation convinced him that we were uninterested. He eventually gave up and muttered — while leaning toward me, oddly — something about finding a broom to retrieve the ball himself. Godspeed, sir.


Here the franchise displays its exceptional talent for awkward grammar, while Jose Guillen displays his best “What, me worry?” face:


Finally, here is perhaps the most pathetically obscure fun fact the team could muster about Mike Jacobs:


He hit 32 home runs — with another team, mind you — which was enough to garner second place among left-handed hitters (by far the minority) for a franchise started in 1993. Seriously? Why not just say “Mike Jacobs is batting .342 on Thursdays against AL West teams with losing records” or “Mike Jacobs had a sandwich for lunch today”?

But hey: a cool summer night watching baseball? Still a pretty grand night, even with the hometown nine getting shellacked.



Filed under KC Journeys, Royals, Sports

3 responses to “Royals Fail In Baseballing, Excel In Good Ol’ American-ing

  1. Royals Fan

    Way to say something positive…

  2. Royals Fan

    You’re a douche….the team may suck, but the stadium experience is by far one of the best in baseball

  3. ScoJo77

    I’ve been to several games at Kauffman Stadium and many others around the country including Cincinnati, Philly, St. Louis, Los Angeles (where I live), Anaheim and San Diego. I’ve got to say, Kansas City’s got one heck of a stadium and the one across the games across the street can be pretty incredible too.

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