Local Vagrant’s Dirty Laundry Incites Citywide Panic

thismanatleastpackedhissmellyclothesinhisbundleOkay, we know that in a post-9/11 era, law enforcement agencies tend to take everything pretty seriously. And that’s why it was a mistake for a passing hobo to leave his duffel o’ soiled tees lingering outside the federal building at 12th and Locust. Police quickly mobilized their bomb squads and their most efficient dry cleaners.

Authorities shut down 12th Street in front of the building and Locust Avenue from 12th to 13th streets for a brief time. The streets were reopened at about 9:30 a.m.

Police searched the bag and found clothing inside. Investigators believe the bag may have belonged to a homeless person.

Damn you, wandering vagabonds! Why must you waste precious resources with your carelessness? Next time, kindly remember to pack your smelly bundle with the rest of your belongings inside your discarded shopping cart. Please don’t leave your clothing strewn about in a haphazard manner near federal buildings.

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