Dial “M” For Mexican-Speakin’: Star Reader Confounded By Bilingualism

BornInEastLAOne “Allen Broadbent” of Blue Springs takes umbrage with the accomodations being made for those dastardly FauxMericans who dona speaka de Eng-ga-lish so good. “Broadbent,” eh? Sounds suspiciously like one of those limey bastards who throw a superfluous “u” into words like “color’ or “favor”!

Sick of dialing 1 for English

Why is it that everywhere I go I find that all businesses give you the option of either English or Spanish? Do we not live in an English-speaking country?

Curse those businesses and their desire to cater to as many customers as possible! Can’t they stick with the Anglo-tongued consumers? Next thing you know, the local QT will be accepting pesos! Perhaps it is time to institute stricter citizenship requirements, such as an ability to recite the Pledge of Allegiance sans accent and the lyrics to any given Toby Keith song.

I have filed complaints with several companies but have not seen any results. I think it is time that we as Americans stand up and be counted.

Hey, we’re in luck! There’s a census afoot next year! That will surely help the cause…right, U.S. Census Bureau?

Minorities, now roughly one-third of the U.S. population, are expected to become the majority in 2042, with the nation projected to be 54 percent minority in 2050.

[T]he Hispanic population is projected to nearly triple, from 46.7 million to 132.8 million during the 2008-2050 period. Its share of the nation’s total population is projected to double, from 15 percent to 30 percent. Thus, nearly one in three U.S. residents would be Hispanic.

Ah, crap.

Well, according to Broadbentian lingusitics theory, if you don’t restrict yourself to using the star-spangled speech of this caucasian nation, you can’t possibly be a Real American.

I have not seen all of the other languages displayed for my use. Are the Spanish-speaking people the only ones who have migrated to the United States? It looks like it is only for those who have come here illegally.

Indeed, those Spanish signs are probably code of some sort, instructing Latinos to be vigilant for the moment when they can rise up and claim this nation! Recuerde Santa Anna! If only we had command of their language…then we could decipher their cryptic heiroglyphics!


1 Comment

Filed under Economics, Oddities, Race & Ethnicity

One response to “Dial “M” For Mexican-Speakin’: Star Reader Confounded By Bilingualism

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