Wizards, Struggling To Score Goals, Wisely Fire Man Who Cannot Play

thekcwizardsneedthiskindoftechnologySo have you heard of this thing called “soccer”? Apparently it’s something they play in the America-hating lands of Europe or something. Oh, and there’s a team here called “the Wizards.” Man, who knew? In any event, the team — which is 5 and 7 after playing 18 games (silly soccer — that only makes 12!) and is way behind in GOOOOOOOAAAAALLLLL production — has fired its coach, the awesomely named Curt Onalfo.

Onalfo, 39, took over at the start of the 2007 season and led the Wizards to the playoffs in each of his first two seasons. He was 27-29-22 overall. “I walk away from the Kansas City Wizards with my head held extremely high,” Onalfo said. “I’m proud of the accomplishments and the tremendous moments that I’ll cherish the rest of my life with the Wizards.

The team offered the usual vague reasons for Onalfo’s departure: We just haven’t created enough chances, and that’s caused us to be under pressure for quite a lot of the season … a goal here or a goal there has been the difference between three points and no points. Huh?

If your problem is scoring goals, shouldn’t you maybe add a player who can score goals? Or who can perform the mystical feat of “creating chances”? Why fire the guy who doesn’t kick a single ball the entire game? This is why socialism failed, MLS.

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