You Must Love America THIS MUCH To Watch This Movie

sgtslaughterBy now, most Real ‘Mericans are aware of the explosive-action valentine to American awesomeness and kickassery that arrives in theaters this Friday: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. Indeed, Hollywood is betting your nostalgia and patriotism will lead you to fork over some G.I. Dough at the box office — so much, in fact, that the film’s promotional campaign has forgone marketing the movie to those coastal wretches and has instead set its laser sights on various heartland venues, including this Cowtown. As an L.A. Times story notes:

“G.I. Joe” is embedded in the Kid Rock and Lynyrd Skynyrd concert tour, advertised at the Country Music Television Awards and excerpted on giant video screens at Minnesota’s Mall of America. It is bombarding Kansas City, Charlotte, Columbus and Grand Rapids on new digital billboards.

The subtext is none too subtle: Critics are likely to roast the film, and fanboys of the original toy line and comic book may be indifferent, but if you’re a flag-waving, Nascar-loving American, it’s practically your patriotic duty to see this movie.

Damn skippy! Much to the delight of some people, you won’t be seein’ no Spanish subtitles in this flick! Hell, Cobra even destroys the Eiffel Tower in the preview — and there’s nothing Americans enjoy more than watching the Frenchies take one in the culture hole. Take that, wine-swilling croissant munchers! Read on for more patriJoetism:

The campaign’s shlock & awful pandering to the masses does not bode well. And yes, at least two of the writers on this blog were initially pumped about the idea of a favorite chilhood cartoon come to life on the big screen. For god’s sake, the movie stars professional cool guy Dennis Quaid and Mr. Eko himself,  Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje (no, I did not just fall asleep on my keyboard while typing that). But then we saw Marlon Wayans. Then we noticed director Stephen Sommers of “Mummy” franchise…uh… fame. Our cries of  “Go, Joe!” became mutters of “Oh, no…”

Yet the on(Sergeant)slaught(er) of local “Joe”-related activities continues — as Justin over at the Plog noted the other day, Kansas City is gearing up to host the 2009 G.I. Joe Convention on August 14 at Crown Center. Actually, KC  somewhat relevant a site, seeing as how the metro is located near a military base/potential terrorist hotel, plus there is a rather obscure G.I. Joe character named “Barbecue.” So prepare to see the rather bizarre spectacle of Duke and Lady Jaye doing shots at Power & Light bars…unfortunately Doc may not be able to get in, depending on how he’s dressed.

And as a side note, it’s good to see Sarah Palin found post-gubernatorial employment with Fox News so quickly:

baroness-palin “Baroness Palin” does have a nice ring to it.

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Filed under Entertainment, In the News, Oddities, Power & Light District, Social Life

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