If you see a counterinsurgency squad parachuting amidst the skyscrapers of downtown Kansas City this weekend, don’t be alarmed: it’s just a nerdy recreation of a childhood science fair project. Prepare yourselves, ladies Apple Store employees — the annual G.I. Joe Collectors’ Convention is taking place this weekend in our fair city, and the streets will be overrun with middle-aged virgins in search of vintage Sgt. Slaughter figurines. And just for fun, the assembled geeks will toss 300 be-parachuted toys off the roof of the Hyatt and let them sail 42 stories down. In other words, they’ll be doing what we all did as kids outside our bedroom windows. Except they’ll be taking it very seriously.
Organizers plan to chuck 300 12-inch G.I. Joes over the side of the hotel and let them parachute 42 stories to the ground from 500 feet. Watching the Joe throw is free. It’s an annual convention highlight — and an encore performance from the last time the group met here, in 2001.
As it turns out, the convention is taking place at a suspiciously fortuitous time. As Dino pointed out recently, the masochists behind the G.I. Joe film abomination are targeting our city, among others, as a place likely to embrace a movie about Sarah Palin’s Real ‘Mericans®. So fulfill your patriotic duty and head down to the convention, and follow that up with a viewing of what real patriotism looks like. C’mon, you know you’ve got the time — if this is really something you’re considering, it’s not like you have a date to worry about or anything.