Some people have had enough. America’s lunatic fringe, apparently no longer content with out-yelling its opponents at town hall meetings — which, by the way, is always the best method for recruiting people to your side — is now embarking on a whole new level of crazy: devising a shadow court system. And, um, banking system. But hey, if you think such an enterprise is going to save you from the petty charge of violating your probation by acting as someone else’s attorney… well, you’re probably just a self-deluding bourgeoise pig. Denny R. Hardin found out the hard way:
Though not an attorney, Hardin acted as his own lawyer Wednesday. He had been on probation since 2006, when a jury found him guilty of tampering with judicial proceedings. He wore blue jeans and a T-shirt printed with “Americans Republic Party” and “Don’t Tread on Me.” More than a dozen supporters wore the same shirt to the trial.
Hardin told Judge Stephen Nixon his overarching argument since 1991 has been the same. Hardin claims the judicial branch has been overthrown by “foreign agents” who are attempting to deny him the right to practice law…
During the hearing, Hardin told the court he had opened the Bank of Denny R. Hardin last year and that he issues bonded promissory notes.
Damn straight! We’ve had enough of the judicial branch and its foreign agents. Thank god for Denny R. Hardin and his be-t-shirted crew. Nothing says commitment to principle like a group of people in homemade shirts. A syntax question, though: is that “Americans” supposed to be possessive? Or are we really combining a plural and an all-encompassing singular? Is this like “Russians Democracy Party”? Also providing great delight to the crowd:
Hardin’s activism began in 1991, after law enforcement agents seized his girlfriend’s beloved 1977 Corvette, which they called “Betsy.” Authorities claimed a drug deal went down inside the car and seized it under Missouri’s Criminal Activity Forfeiture Act, but the couple disagreed and went to court to get it back. They didn’t have enough money for a lawyer, so Hardin vowed to handle the case himself. They didn’t get the car back.
So it all began with a Corvette named Betsy, eh? Wait, is this a treatment for a lame network TV movie? Not to be restrained, Hardin inspired the crowd with a Rudy-esque moment.
Hardin was taken into custody immediately following the ruling. As deputies led him out, Hardin looked at attendees in the gallery and said:
“God’s will be done, people. Now I get to write that letter to the president of the United States from the Jackson County Jail.”
[commences slow clap, gradually rises from chair]