Look alive, Summit of Lee: you’ve got a new Congressional candidate in your midst! What, you haven’t heard of Joyce Howard, local cut-up and self-proclaimed ideal representative? Surely you didn’t miss her stunning announcement? Doesn’t everyone read the Star‘s Unfettered Letters blog — the best place to gauge the feeling of the people? Simply direct your attention to Candidate Howard’s public debut:
I’m thinking of running for Congress. I’d love to make new laws without ever reading a bill. And Washington wanting to buy new jets with taxpayer money? Well, I’m sure I could be irresponsible and spend money stupidly with the best of them.
I’ve always loved pork. I excel at talking out of both sides of my mouth. I can lie with a perfectly straight face. I don’t believe politicians are accountable to anyone. Seriously, don’t you think that’s asking a bit much?
Saying one thing and doing another is one of my favorite pastimes. And, hey, a little money passed under the table never really hurt anybody. I’d be great at messing with the media. I could say or do anything I wanted and then act completely clueless and deny everything whenever it’s convenient.
I’m arrogant and self-serving. Admit it — I’d be perfect!
This is an earth-shaking development: local woman, finally recognizing her own merits as a potential elected official, announces her candidacy in a semi-coherent, poorly reasoned list of stereotypes which merely reveals a fundamental misunderstanding of the most basic government operations. It’s unprecedented!
Unfortunately, we get the vague impression that Joyce is — heaven forbid — messing with us. Well, we’re not going to accept that. Joyce Howard is exactly the sort of Palinian mind we want in Washington. Starting today, TBC is launching an official Draft Joyce Howard For Congress effort. We’ll even purchase http://www.JoycePAC.com for her, and volunteer to run her campaign. Let’s do this, Joyce.
So remember, that’s Joyce Howard for Congress: because she has a tenuous grasp on the satirizing process. Yes we probably can!