Not Even Remotely Better Than The Real Thing


Star columnist and nemesis of Tony’s Kansas City Mary Sanchez was apparently watching the latest BlackBerry commercial while writing her latest column, as she makes a rather strained comparison between Mayor Funkhouser and U2’s Bono. Talk about comparing apples to…uh…some sort of Irish fruit that wears sunglasses…

What might the gangly Bono still bring to KC?

Here he comes, our mayor, the gangly Bono of Kansas City.

Uh…what? Out of all the musicianhyphensocialactivists out there, she compares our politically awkward, stubborn, stand-offish mayor with the U2 frontman, who has proved himself a savvy, versatile player in global politics and philanthrophic causes? Clearly, cut from the same cloth, they are. Hey, you know who else Funk is like? Sinatra! Because he’s governing HIS way! Or Lindsey Buckingham, Going His Own Way! And he’s like the band Edison Lighthouse, because His Love Grows Where his Gloria Goes!

It should be no surprise that Mark Funkhouser rebuffed advisers’ suggestions to pull off a few quick-hit voter pleasers to boost his ratings.

“What’s the point?” he told Star reporters. “The things I want to do would change the direction of the city forever.”

Yeah, that’s like having your agent push you to put out a Greatest Hits album when you’re still writing some primo tunes! Except, um…does Funk have any chartbusters yet?

Just say “no” to political feel-goods. Like the efforts of U2’s Bono to bring world peace, Funkhouser envisions tackling only gargantuan issues.

Well, perhaps there are some parallels between the Funkhouser leadership style and the discography of Bono, Edge, et. al. Consider these U2 song titles and how they can be germane to the mayor’s misadventures:

  • With or Without You (his relationship with the City Council)
  • Vertigo (an apt description of the political sensations in City Hall)
  • Walk On (the Council tried telling that to G-Squit, only to have the ordinance overturned in court)
  • Running to Stand Still (a perfect metaphor for his administration, it seems)
  • Stuck in a Moment You Can’t Get Out Of (the perpetual Mammygate saga)
  • Mysterious Ways (we can all agree that Funk’s reasoning is a mystery to most citizens)
  • Pride (In the Name of Love) (succinctly describes the Mayor’s commitment to his wife’s role in City Hall at the cost of real productivity)

Funkhouser’s tenure thus far has been no Joshua Tree. A more appropriate album metaphor would be calling the last few years the Pop of KC mayoral terms.


1 Comment

Filed under City Government, Entertainment, Funkhouser

One response to “Not Even Remotely Better Than The Real Thing

  1. Ryan

    Talk about comparing apples to…uh…some sort of Irish fruit that wears sunglasses…

    Did you just out Bono?!?

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