Joyce Howard Makes Distressingly Slow Progress In Congressional Bid

pleasejoinusjoycehowardFour days ago, we were proud to bring you the news of Joyce Howard’s run for Congress. This is very exciting for us; we’ve never gotten in on the ground floor of an election before, and certainly not when the candidate is so honest to goodness right for the job. With her biting wit, keen satirical eye, and obviously deep understanding of the mechanisms of the republic, Joyce is exactly what the metro area needs in Washington.

Now, I know what some of you are thinking: “Gee, Ryan, it seems like her letter to the editor was simply meant for laughs.” Well, that’s not good enough for us, by god. We have a crisis of leadership in this country, and we need someone who can take even the most ludicrous right-wing talking points and make them the basis for an entire worldview. Let’s face it: with lines like I’ve always loved pork. I excel at talking out of both sides of my mouth, Joyce Howard has emerged as KC’s Sarah Palin. And isn’t that exactly what we’ve been looking for?

Here’s the problem, though — we haven’t seen any evidence that Joyce is taking this seriously. Where are her signs? Where is her web site? Where are the fundraising events? If you can’t treat this with the gravity it deserves, Joyce, then we have to do it ourselves. Perhaps we’ll write our own letter to the editor, imploring you to follow up on your claim of electoral suitability. Next come posters and a web presence. Don’t think we won’t, Joyce. People in their twenties have plenty of time.

Join the vox populi, Kansas City. We need Joyce Howard. Start online petitions! Send money to her house! Knock on some doors and explain to voters why she’s so essential! That’s Joyce Howard: self-proclaimed-perfect but reluctant candidate for Congress. Yes we possibly can!

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