Some uncomfortable news out of Raymore this morning, as the Star details in the scandalous story o’ the day. Seems there’s been a bit of police brutality — directed at a 19-year-old housecat — and the incident is leading to all sorts of discomfiting questions, like “What is this ‘Raymore’ of which you speak?” I guess it’s someplace south of town, or something. Maybe north. No idea, really. What we do know is that it was the site of a gangland, execution-style killing that pretty much ruined the Labor Day of Kelly Wesner (pictured above, gazing into the heavens at sunset) and her daughter — no, really — Hayley Schmuck. From the paper of record’s account:
Somehow, Tobey had gotten out of the house Monday and wandered down the street and into a neighbor’s garage, said Wesner, who owned the cat for 18 years.
An adult at that house sprayed Tobey with a garden hose to get him to leave, according to city reports on the incident.
Officers captured Tobey with a “catch pole.” A supervisor told the officer to take Tobey, who wore no tag, to a remote area and “put him down,” a police report said…
A police officer would take Tobey into a field and shoot him twice in the head. He then put the body in a plastic grocery bag and disposed of it in a city trash bin.
Um. Excuse me? Is this how we deal with rabid cats these days? With Sopranos-style hits carried out in empty fields? When did Uncle Junior start running the Raymore PD? Anyway, as you can imagine, the clan in question was not pleased when it received news of the happenings. And does this sound like a threatening cat?
Tobey wasn’t vicious, Wesner said. He was declawed, deaf, weighed only 6 pounds and had his own prescription drug card at Walgreens.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: cats can have prescription drug cards? Apparently, yes. Further complicating the tale is the fact that the body was simply thrown away instead of being examined or tested. So, Raymore PD: what are you hiding, sirs? Perhaps you’re running some illicit drug-smuggling ring using cats, and Tobey learned a little too much? Your city, wherever it is, demands answers!