Star‘s Toilet Story Dabbles In Puns, Scatalogical Humor, Populism

theyinventedsomethingslightlymoreadvancedthanthisSo apparently there’s a manufacturing company HQ’d in Lee’s Summit that makes toilets. Like, awesome toilets. The kind of toilet whose innovation and sheer technological genius will bring tears to your eyes. The city’s paper of record, rightfully so, has opted to showcase this font of waste-centric brilliance with a glowing front-page article. But all of that takes a back seat to another, more important exercise: allowing the paper’s staff to have a little fun with the subject — starting with the headline: “Lee’s Summit inventor flush with pride.” Oh, I see what you did there. The fun continues, though:

Murphy didn’t go to MIT or any other hoity-toity technology school. He went to Metropolitan Community College-Longview. But mainly he grew up in Independence a curious boy who liked to take things apart and put them back together.

Huh? How did pseudo-populist rage sneak into a front-page article? You couldn’t have gone with “didn’t go to an engineering school” or something similar? You really had to slam MIT (which is far more than a mere “technology school”) just to provide further evidence of the massive chip on this city’s shoulder? Odd. More:

“You’re going to see something you’ve never seen before,” he said.

He put 35 golf balls into the bowl and pushed the flush button. The balls danced about before shooting down the drain.

Next, he placed five units of artificial debris — shaped pretty much like you would expect — into the bowl. He thought a moment and added five more.

“That’s double the load,” he said.

A-hem. Pretty much like you would expect, eh? And “double the load”? Was this story written at a Sigma Chi party, perchance?

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