Category Archives: Health

In case you’re interested, Missouri’s mediocre ex-governor has a mediocre piece in today’s Journal.


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Kansas City Patriots Rush To Rep. Shouty Shouterson’s Defense

joewilsonatthehealthcarespeechSo did you watch President Hope’s big health care speech last night? If you did, then you know the real story — at least according to our always vigilant Fourth Estate — was the outburst by South Carolina’s Joe Wilson, who accused El Jefe of playing fast and loose with the facts. Wilson, whose “You lie!” exclamation was truly the acme of logic and reason, today finds himself joining Joe the Plumber and Rick Santelli in the ranks of Right-Wing Heroes unafraid to tell the truth. Semper fi, sir. And where do such Heroes© find the most heartfelt words of congratulations? Why, in that last bastion of wisdom and sensibility: the Star comments section. Here, sic‘d for your pleasure, are some choice words from your neighbors in praise of Joey W.:

The check is in the Mail , that guy is Awesome …

Joe Wilson, American Patriot…

It’s true. Illegals are included in the ‘Bill’. So that is a ‘LIE’…

Wilson’s comment was the only thing of truth said in that chamber last night. Today, I’m calling for the arrest of Obammer. He should be arrested and jailed for perjuring himself in front of Congress…

If your a liar, then wear those shoes!…

I like Wilson even more! Thanks for having the cohoneys for yelling it out. I wish he had also thrown his shoe.

Oh, how heartwarming. Only in the comments section do you find advocacy of violence against the president, praise for a man who violated centuries-old standards of decorum, and requests that someone who was not under oath be arrested for perjury. Bravo, Kansas City right-wingers. You continue to outdo yourselves.

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Constitutional Debate Erupts In Totally Appropriate Venue Of Star Letters Section

theverydebatetakingplaceinthepagesofthestarWhen the framers sat down to form our founding document in 1787, surely they could not have predicted that someday, somewhere, the best legal minds in the country would gather to debate the finer points of what our guiding compact allowed and barred. And who among us would have  guessed that the debate in question would occur right here in Kansas City, and that the participants would include a high school senior, a self-anointed expert on capitalism, and a flotilla of armchair scholars? About time, too — for too long the nation’s loftiest debates have been confined to the ivory towers of Boston and the hallowed halls of D.C. Time for a struggling, deeply divided post-industrial city to weigh in on matters like these! The subject (of course): health care. The venue: the Star‘s letters section. The stakes: everything! MORE

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Local Catholic Leaders Officially Abandon Last Remaining Semblance Of J.C.’s Influence

reactiontonaumannandfinnsletterWell. Evidently poverty, famine, war, and general evil-itude has been eradicated around these parts. Why else would professional instigators and barely-holy men Joseph Naumann and Robert Finn — ostensibly an archbishop and a bishop, though their suitability for those positions is under constant question — turn their full attention to the government health care debate? You know, that one that the secular United States government is having? Alas, it seems Mssrs. Naumann and Finn have seen fit to declare their full-throated opposition to said reform, based on… what, exactly?

The right of every individual to access health care does not necessarily suppose an obligation on the part of the government to provide it. Yet in our American culture, Catholic teaching about the “right” to healthcare is sometimes confused with the structures of “entitlement.” The teaching of the Universal Church has never been to suggest a government socialization of medical services. Rather, the Church has asserted the rights of every individual to have access to those things most necessary for sustaining and caring for human life, while at the same time insisting on the personal responsibility of each individual to care properly for his or her own health.

Oh, I see. So you can be pro-access when it comes to ensuring people have proper health care, but when we must establish some kind of structure to actually deliver that access, you’re conveniently devoid of any and all responsibility. Very convenient logic, sirs. Sort of like being pro-civic services but anti-tax?

Unfortunately, this isn’t the first time a bastardization of religious teaching has been used to circumvent the health care debate. Nor, we suspect, will it be the last. Somewhere, Jesus is no doubt beaming with pride.

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Filed under Economics, Health, Politics, Religion

The Caption? Saddest. Photo. Ever.


So what’s the saddest thing about this picture from yesterday’s health care reform meeting at Children’s Mercy? Is it a) the fact that our city’s mayor couldn’t even get a front row seat, b) that you just know he’s making a lame joke about who he is, c) the total collapse in his relevance, or d) the idea that a woman could possibly find that white cowboy hat attractive and/or appropriate for a forum with U.S. Senators?


Filed under Funkhouser, Health, Politics

Nurses Trick Lost, Confused Old Man With Plastic Baby


So here is former man of stature John Sidney McCain III, who dropped by our fair city yesterday in between reruns of Matlock, where he got a lesson in fake medicine. This Potemkin village of health care was hastily assembled to provide a good photo op educate the senator on the ins and outs of health care reform — and to save this Cabbage Patch doll’s life.

While in town, McCain (along with Kit Bond and Mitch “Turtle Man” McConnell) blasted the prospect of increased spending on health care — you know, because our current system is just the very picture of efficiency.

They blasted President Barack Obama’s vision of health care reform, calling it outlandishly expensive, and predicted it could lead to rationing and outsized budget deficits for years to come.

“No country can continue to spend more than it takes in,” said McCain after touring Children’s Mercy Hospital.

Yeah, good thing these three gents never supported any misguided cause that’s also bankrupting our country. Wait, what?

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Filed under Economics, Health, Politics

Fox 4 Offers Advice On How To Stop Worrying And Love The Living Dead

thrillerIt’s not enough to worry about terrorists potentially moving in the neighborhood, now we should concern ourselves with the living dead?

Could Mankind Survive a Zombie Attack?

It’s a question that many people, typically after a drink or two, have asked themselves, and now some scientists in Canada say that they have found an answer but it may not be the one we want to hear.

Could civilization survive an attack by zombies?

Uh…this is Fox 4, local news outlet, correct? Have we gotten this mixed up with Fangoria‘s Web site?

Yes, they’re serious, and, alarmingly, the answer is no, unless zombies are dealt with quickly and aggressively, according to researchers with the Universities of Ottawa and Carleton in Canada, who published the paper in a book dealing with the spread of infectious disease, the BBC reported on Tuesday.

In movie and video game lore, zombies can infect the living through a bite. The premise of the study may seem silly, but researchers say that the intent of the report is a serious look at how an infectious disease can quickly overtake a population.

“We introduce a basic model for zombie infection and illustrate the outcome with numerical solutions,” Professor Robert Smith? told the BBC. According to the school’s website, Smith uses the question mark in his name to differentiate himself from rock singer Robert Smith of the band The Cure.

That last paragraph may be the singularly best group of phrases in the history of writing.

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