Ink Predicts Fall Weather, Fall Of Man With Semi-Scandalous Photo Session

Ahem. Here, courtesy of the sassy kids over at Ink — many of whom, it’s worth noting, are totally upstanding and awesome people — comes an adventure in both male leering and Genesisian exegesis. Meet Shena Anderson, who apparently holds the title of “Miss Riot Room 2008” — which competition we’re guessing is seriously rivalrous with the notorious Miss Record Bar contest. Shena is the face of this week’s back to (s)c(h)ool issue, and by the looks of things, original sin is far from the minds of KC’s heterogametic citizens.

Michael Gomez Still Waging Lonely War On Laughter In Kansas City

Back in our State o’ The Line days, we racked up many nemeses. Among them was local “comedian” Michael Gomez, whom we regularly accused not only of unfunniness, but of deliberate antifunniness — comedy is the ice cap, i.e., and Gomez is global warming. It’s been some time since we checked in on our old friend, and boy have we missed a lot. Gomez is, unsurprisingly, a key member of Ink‘s “frink” panel, that local body politic that weighs in on crucial issues of our time. I thought it might be wise, in the interest of the Know Thy Enemy doctrine, if we perused a few of his “jokes” from the last few weeks, so that we might band together in solidarity against this antifunny uprising. To that end, and with deepest apologies:

The paper phone book is as irrelevant as the Commodore 64 or a Betamax or as my buddy says, The Kansas City Star. Hell, other than the “Antiques Roadshow,” the last time I saw one was when I nervously looked up Ashley Behlen’s phone number in the third grade…

I don’t know if you heard but apparently in prison Michael Vick found Jesus. And upon finding him he immediately chained him to a tire axle in his back yard and made him fight Buddha. 10-1 odds on the Christ child. Say what you want about him but he gets things done…

If you have the government running your hospitals you’re going to have insurance claims that make Bill Gates tax return look like a connect the dots. If you think a state appointed lawyer doesn’t give a damn wait till you get a state appointed surgeon. He’s going to experiment on you like it was Auschwitz in 1945. You’re going to go in for a hernia operation and come out with gills in the side of your neck and pregnant with a baby rhino…

Good god, man — a Holocaust joke? For shame, sir. As far as we can tell, Mssr. Gomez seems to be deploying the following strategy: 1. Use bluster. 2. Make dated cultural reference. 3. Work in incongruent imagery. 4. Profit?

Wait! You can see Michael live this Saturday at Davey’s Uptown. Tantalizing. Or, you know, you could just eliminate the middle man and follow this guy’s example.

Ink‘s Hottest Male Reader Stares Longingly At Fellow Winner’s Breasts

You asked for it, Kansas City, and now you’ve got it. The two people pictured above — Amanda Johnson and Pakarsit Sukaromya — have been crowned the winners of Ink‘s Unbelievable Narcissism Hottest Reader contest. From the looks of it, though, Pakarsit has a couple of other things on his mind…

What do they win? Um… let’s see… not respect, of course. And I don’t think there’s any money involved, so… uh, a chance to be on the cover of a Midwestern weekly? Gee, that’s… really cool. Kudos, guys.

Ink‘s ‘Hottest Reader’ Contest Ushers In New Era Of Kansas City Narcissism; City Smirks With Delight At Shameless Self-Promotion

My, my. Now they’ve gone and done it, eh? You may recall that Ink — the Star‘s only primary vehicle for connecting with The Kids — has tried for months now to establish itself as the publication for Kansas City’s young up-and-comers, would-be social butterflies, and aspiring amateur models. Not content with merely attracting those readers, though, Ink has decided to just flat-out showcase the “hottest readers” of said magazine. It’s brilliant! It’s like Harper’s coming out with a “Smartest Readers” issue! What results is a parade of, yes, (mostly) attractive people — but also a Ford-worthy assembly line of aggrandizement, self-promotion, flattery, and some of the most shameless immodesty this side of a Flavor of Love episode. Join us after the jump, if you dare.