Category Archives: Music

Trace Adkins’ Opening Act Mostly Consists Of Envious Sidelong Glances At Toby Keith

traceenvyingtoby

So last night Toby Keith brought his Xenophobia ’09 Tour to the Sprint Center, and if the woman next to me at J. Crew today was to be believed, it was “ohmygod so good.” Read Tim Finn’s evenhanded review here. Take care to scan the set list; if you’re not a fan of country (like us), then the song titles read like a caricature of blue collar America. “Get Drunk and Be Somebody”? “I’ll Never Smoke Weed With Willie Again”? “Should Have Been a Cowboy”? Um… go U.S.A.?

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Older Bespectacled Woman Elbows Aside Tweens, Rushes To Greet A Jonas

starphotojbconcert

This is a photo (via the Star) from last night’s Jonas Brothers concert at the Dying Wireless Company Center. What’s with this lady with glasses? Is she someone’s chaperone? And how about the Meg Ryan lookalike on the left, proudly turning her back on the teen idols? Or maybe she’s a security guard? What a weird concert.

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Jason Whitlock Pens Sprawling Profile Of Rapper You’ve Never Heard Of, Somehow Avoids Subject Of Rump Preference

whitlockmakingeyesatawomanofillreputeWhen last we encountered our pal Jason Whitlock — the buffoonish, self-caricaturizing, painfully untalented Star columnist (and prominent oversharer) — he was offending just about every woman in America with a befuddling column-cum-personal ad that truly spanned the craziness spectrum. In it, he took on everything from tennis to his desired proportions for the backsides of local women. Now, though, Jason has returned to the subject he knows best: sports local rappers. In the new issue of Ink, KC’s sassiest weekly, Jason writes an astonishing 4,000 words (!) about something called “Krizz Kaliko,” who is apparently a local songster of note. Oh, come on — don’t pretend you’ve heard of him. Just listen to Jason’s deeply objective assessment of his new album:

A decade later, after performing alongside Tech N9ne as his sidekick for more than a thousand shows, singing hooks and rapping on more than a half-dozen Strange Music-produced CDs, the genius has unmasked himself.

On July 14, Krizz will nationally release his 18-track sophomore CD, Genius, which is being hailed as the most commercially viable and artistically eclectic album ever produced in Kansas City.

Oh, did I say “objective”? Sorry, I meant “obsequious.” But that’s nothing compared to the simply lovely opinions offered by experts in the thing called “rap”:

“This would make Dr. Dre nut on himself,” said legendary local club DJ Sean “Icy Rock” Raspberry after hearing the CD for the first time. “That’s just incredible, the production, the way he put the vocals together.”

“It’s impossible to have that much talent in one motherfucker,” said Tech N9ne, describing his musical soul mate.

Well, if there’s one thing we can count on “Icy Rock” and Tech Nine (I refuse to follow his subversive alphanumeric bastardization) to provide, it’s a classy endorsement of their colleague.

Other gems from Whitlock include mixed similies(“bought a $120,000 home for himself, his mom and sister in the Huxtable-like 63rd-and-Troost neighborhood known as The Citadel”), dull/faux-dramatic set-ups (“His friends told him to redirect his passion to another area. He turned to music.”), unbelievable misspellings (“Thunder and Lightening would take you there quick,” Krizz said.), and incredibly lazy analogizing (“He can be a Jamie Foxx-like balladeer.”)

How to put this nicely? Jason, you are not what is called “a good writer.” The biggest laugh, though, comes in a comment on the article from Violet Brown, who will yell at you until you purchase the album:

Jason Whitlock, your story is as good as the release. You have really captured the true & very REAL, KRIZZ KALIKO. You have written an AMAZING piece for an AMAZING artist. This is just one more feather in the cap of the NEW, TRUE #1 INDIE LABEL IN THE GAME,  “STRANGE MUSIC”.

Actually this profile is really NOT AMAZING and only reveals JASON WHITLOCK as a truly PEDESTRIAN TALENT.

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Cocksure Young Lads Audition For Musical Based On Most Overrated Movie Of All Time

screenshotfromhorriblehorriblehorriblemovieSometime later this year, a musical based on A Christmas Story will appear in our hallowed city. Now, when you mention this movie to most Americans, you receive some kind of nostalgic sigh based on idealized memories of youth. But have you ever watched this film? It’s jaw-droppingly terrible — and a musical based upon it is an idea we can safely describe as “less than stellar.” But either way, young boys of all Kansas City stripes are turning out for a chance to land a role in the show. And what’s their uniting trait? Modesty.

One boy, Christian Gamble, 12, worked the room when he arrived, shaking hands and introducing himself to the piano accompanist. “I’m ready,” he said just before launching into his audition. “Of course I’m ready, I’m always ready.”…

Their songs varied from “Jingle Bells” to more sophisticated show tunes such as “Who Will Buy?” from “Oliver.”

When Hatley, trying to push a good performance to the next level, asked one boy if he’d like to sing his song again, the teen-ager replied, “No, I’m good.”

Hatley laughed and mumbled to a visitor, “I’ve never had that happen before.”…

Christian Gamble, who has played Tiny Tim in the Rep’s “A Christmas Carol,” called the audition “amazing.”

“I think,” he said, “I did pretty well.”

Well then. No potential self-esteem problems are showing themselves in these young gents, at least. Here’s hoping someone triple dog dares them to steer clear of anything associated with this cinematic abomination.

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Too soon?

Moonwok

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Filed under Food, In the News, Music

DJ Jazzy Jeff: ‘Cordish Just Don’t Understand’

djjazzyjeffinbizarreclothingSo the city is all atwitter over the bizarre events occurring at the Power & Light District this past weekend, where seminal (maybe?) 90s hip-hop “star” DJ Jazzy Jeff was apparently booted off stage by the Cordishstapo, those enforcers of questionably motivated dress codes. Mr. Jazzy’s crime? Not wearing an Affliction t-shirt. Ah, we kid. His actual violation was… well, it’s a little bit of a mystery. MORE

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Toby Keith To Bring Rockin’, Foreigner-Hatin’ Good Times To Sprint Center

tobykeithlookingsmoothHey! America’s favorite redwhiteandblue-ophile, The Toby Keith, is coming to our fair city! In what will no doubt be the best day of the year for local xenophobes and cowboy hat aficionados, Keith will play July 31st at our local, mostly empty arena. Don’t scalp tickets to this show, though, y’hear? Toby is not a fan of law-breakers, particularly the ones from the Middle East. Details from the Star:

Country star Toby Keith brings his “America’s Toughest Tour” to the Sprint Center in downtown Kansas City on Friday, July 31… There’s a special “Hell Raiser Super Saver” deal that’s $40 for two seats.

A special “Hell Raiser Super Saver”?!? Hell, that’s the way to get us out of a recession! No credit crisis is gonna keep down the raucous fans of Mr. Keith. And I have to say, that’s quite an ambitious label to put on what is, essentially, a coupon for a crappy country show.

Of course, we can’t hate Toby completely. There’s this, after all.

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