Category Archives: Strange news

In Retrospect, Perhaps A Bake Sale Would Have Been A Better Way To Go

auctioneerAs most folks know by now, over the past week anti-abortion and pro-crazy forces were showing off their Internetz skillz by organizing an eBay auction of items in order to fund the defense of Scott Roeder, Hit Man of the Almighty/alleged murderer of Wichita doctor George Tiller. ‘Cause although the Lord may instruct you to gun down a man during services in one of His houses of worship, you’re on your own when it comes to dealing with the aftermath.

Unfortunately, those heathens at the the online auction house disappointed those wanting to do the Lord’s bidding (cue drum & cymbal) on the various items, as eBay execs began removing the “murderabilia.” Hmm. Maybe fundraisers would have better luck with this site. I mean, come on! Who wouldn’t want any of this stuff?

Items organizers said were being donated for the auction include several drawings submitted by Roeder; an Army of God manual that describes dozens of ways to shut down abortion clinics; and a prison cookbook compiled by Shelley Shannon, who shot Tiller in 1993 and is serving time for clinic arsons and bombings.

On Sunday, however, the only items listed were a document of religious instruction written by a convicted clinic bomber and a Bible that belonged to Shannon.

“It has all the pro-life passages highlighted,” [auction organizer Dave] Leach said of the Bible.

Interesting. Perhaps bomber/attempted murderer Shannon highlighted this oldie but goodie from Exodus 20:13: “THOU SHALL NOT KILL.”  For ilk who tend to state that the Bible does not consist of a buffet of laws that we mortals get to selectively choose to obey, they sure seem to be glossing over one of the Decalogue’s Greatest Hits.

Well, now we learn that the pro-life-but-really-only-for-zygotes folks not only disregard the laws of God and eBay, but they also disdain those of our nation’s copyright system. As cartoonist Rob Tornoe notes in a piece on Daryl Cagle’s Political Cartoonists Index, among the artworks included in the auction items was a cartoon done by an associate of Roeder’s that blatantly plagiarizes an image produced by a syndicated cartoonist: Continue reading

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Filed under Crime, In the News, Law, Religion, Strange news, Uncategorized

Dastardly Canine Thieves Strike Local Dog Treat Company

thievesatlocaldogtreatcompanyHave you no shame, local four-legged friends? We know that things are tough In This Economy, but knocking over a KCK dog treat manufacturer is just inexcusable. Or perhaps one of your human sympathizers did this for you? Seems a local delivery driver at Blackman Industries has fled, along with $3,000 (!) in dog treats. You know what that’s worth on the street?!? Probably, uh, a lot less.

The inventory was that much short on the deliveries then, Farbman said, and he can’t say for sure how much of the missing goods are Greenie treats, rawhide toys or pig ears, he said.

“I think it’s a little bit of everything,” he said.

In some cases the perpetrator submitted invoices to businesses, got paid in cash and dumped the invoices, Farbman said, and in other cases just took the goods…

The Greenies go for about $25 a pound, with a large pack selling for $19.99, he said, and some people would have jumped at the chance to buy them for half price.

All due respect to Stewart (Carl?) Farbman, but we think perhaps he’s greatly overestimating the black market for dog treats. In any event, we demand justice. Let’s get the KCKPD to stake out local Petco and PetSmart locations — just look for the man selling, um, pig ears from a trunk parked in back. And let’s keep a close eye out for this suspicious-looking man-dog.

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Filed under Animals, Crime, Local Business, Strange news

Funkhouser Looks To Sport-Themed ‘Dungeons & Dragons’ Wagering As Potential Solution To Public Funding

jesus-footballGoverning, schmoverning:

Funkhouser, other mayors to be in charity fantasy football league with $15,000 prize

Kansas City Mayor Mark Funkhouser and the mayors of 10 other cities will compete in a fantasy football league that could mean $30,000 for the Police Athletic League. The champion of the Yahoo!-sponsored mayoral face-off will receive $15,000 for a non-profit sports program. Funkhouser chose the Police Athletic League.

Unfortunately, Funkhouser got off to a rocky start when he chose a member of the Minuteman Civil Defense Corps as an offensive lineman. Wrong kind of defense skills, chief. In addition, he tasked city planners with developing a new fantasy football stadium to be funded by the fantasy taxpayers through a fantasy hotel and rental car fee.

It’s nice that the money goes to charity and all, and we’re really not going to begrudge the mayor his enjoyment of a harmless piece of leisure, but couldn’t he, you know, appoint someone else to handle this?  Or form an Ad Hoc Committee For Pretend Sports? It could meet at the same time the Task Force for Computer Solitaire gathers.

That reminds us…when do the fantasy local government elections begin?

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Filed under City Government, Entertainment, Funkhouser, In the News, Sports, Strange news

Fox 4 Offers Advice On How To Stop Worrying And Love The Living Dead

thrillerIt’s not enough to worry about terrorists potentially moving in the neighborhood, now we should concern ourselves with the living dead?

Could Mankind Survive a Zombie Attack?

It’s a question that many people, typically after a drink or two, have asked themselves, and now some scientists in Canada say that they have found an answer but it may not be the one we want to hear.

Could civilization survive an attack by zombies?

Uh…this is Fox 4, local news outlet, correct? Have we gotten this mixed up with Fangoria‘s Web site?

Yes, they’re serious, and, alarmingly, the answer is no, unless zombies are dealt with quickly and aggressively, according to researchers with the Universities of Ottawa and Carleton in Canada, who published the paper in a book dealing with the spread of infectious disease, the BBC reported on Tuesday.

In movie and video game lore, zombies can infect the living through a bite. The premise of the study may seem silly, but researchers say that the intent of the report is a serious look at how an infectious disease can quickly overtake a population.

“We introduce a basic model for zombie infection and illustrate the outcome with numerical solutions,” Professor Robert Smith? told the BBC. According to the school’s website, Smith uses the question mark in his name to differentiate himself from rock singer Robert Smith of the band The Cure.

That last paragraph may be the singularly best group of phrases in the history of writing.

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Filed under Health, In the News, Oddities, Science, Strange news

KC Star No Longer Pussyfooting Around With Headlines; Vows To Call ‘Em As They See ‘Em

bicycle_thiefYikes, the Star is not mincing words when it comes to describing bike thieves:

Thugs beat cyclist, steal his bike in River Market area

Two thugs beat a 49-year-old man with a 2-by-4-inch piece of wood and stole his bicycle Thursday night near Fifth and Oak streets.

The victim, who lives in the area, was walking with his 10-speed bike about 7 p.m. when one man hit him in the head with the wood, knocking the victim down. That attacker and another man then punched the victim in the chest and abdomen and took his bike.

Holy crap, a two-by-four? Indeed, that is a key thuggery tool.

The kansascity.commenters are already all over this story — in fact, we’re going to give a few of them the stage…er…computer screen for a moment. Read on for some entertaining bits… Continue reading

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Filed under Crime, In the News, Race & Ethnicity, Strange news

Real-Life “Mario Kart” Competition Spoiled By Johnny Law

mario-kartGone in 60 Seconds, it ain’t.

Police Arrest 3 on Stolen Go-Karts

Three people were arrested Friday morning when they were found driving two stolen go-karts from an Independence entertainment center.

Police say they received a call of a “suspicious car and occupants” around 3 a.m. near Interstate 70 and Manchester Road.

When officers arrived, they found the three suspects on the go-karts. All three were arrested after a short chase.

Investigators say they learned the go-karts were stolen from Cool Crest, a family fun center in Independence.

Authorities also found some horse rustlers by the carousel.

And since when do we name family fun centers after toothpaste?  Perhaps this Cool Crest is located near the Listerine Aquatic Center.

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Filed under Crime, Entertainment, In the News, Oddities, Social Life, Strange news

Local Jewelry Stores Bust Gold Nugget Dealer After They Remember It’s Not 1849

themansellinggoldnuggetsinbluespringsSince we seem to be in full-on swindler coverage today, here’s another delightful story: Blue Springs jewelry stores, presumably already reeling from the recession (and from a total lack of disposable income in the eastern suburbs anyway), have been warned not to fall for a scam hitting their humble burg. Seems a dealer of — ahem — gold nuggets is dropping by local pawn shops and jewelry dealers and trying to sell them said nuggets. No word yet on where he parked his dogsled after the ride down from the Yukon.

Police are looking for a man who is targeting Kansas City area jewelry stores and pawn shops trying to sell fake gold nuggets.

Police said the man sold fake gold nuggets to Kennedy’s Jewelry, at 900 S.W. 7 Highway, on July 31 for $7,000. At some point after the owner had verified that the nuggets were real, the individual was able to switch them for fake nuggets.

The jewelry store owner paid the man $4,000 in cash and $3,000 in jewelry for the nuggets.

So… a guy shows up at your store peddling gold nuggets and you offer him seven large? What year do you think this is? Did he also offer you a stake in U.S. Steel? Maybe drop off one of William Randolph Hearst’s fine publications? Tell you that there’s money to be made in Batista’s Cuba? Again, our sympathy is found wanting.

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