Tag Archives: Pointlessness

So What The Hell’s Going On In Lawrence These Days?

nowheresaguywhoknewhowtofightinlawrenceThe talk of Kansas City this week, at least between the sports fans among us, is the very odd (and perhaps totally unsurprising) contretemps between gridiron athletes and hardwood athletes. The word among the local media is that tensions between the two squads are long-running but heretofore suppressed, or at least kept out of the spotlight. However, with the e-discussions of Tyshawn “point plankn” Taylor, the whole conflict has bubbled to the surface. The cause, shockingly? Ladies. Ah, men — have we ever fought over anything else? (Religion, I suppose. And oil.) In today’s Star, the elegantly named J. Brady McCollough manages to score some interviews with anonymous former athletes, who tell JBM that things were pretty much always thus.

“It’s always been a feud between basketball and football players,” said a recently graduated former KU football player who asked to remain anonymous. “It’s been an ongoing thing.”

A recently departed former KU basketball player had the same experience.

“It’s about who’s more popular on campus with the girls and stuff like that,” said the player, who also requested anonymity. “It’s escalated really bad now, but it’s always been there.”

So what are we to make of this? KU has an ascendant football program — cupcake opponents notwithstanding — but it’s not like the basketball program is slipping. Mount Oread has always been the traditional province of Naismith’s game and its players, but with an upstart, Mangino-led football program, it’s probably only natural that a turf war would erupt. But fights in public? Players being ushered into SUVs and whisked away? Emergency meetings with Self and Mangino? Pretty ridiculous, especially under the watchful eye of the even-keeled (and Uncle Festerian) Lew Perkins.

The local media is all atwitter over the event, and is chronicling the various local opinions. Can we expect suspensions in the matter? Elite athletic schools, of which KU is indisputably one, are loath to suspend the athletes who bring in the money, but in this case the pressure may come down from the new chancellor and old, rich donors who are sick of such juvenile behavior. Stay tuned, I guess.


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Filed under Crime, Education, Sports

Alonzo Washington Wages Lonely War On The Bovine Comedy, English Usage Rules

alonzoscharadesclueIt’s been quite a saga over the last few days, as a tiny fraction of the city has been cursed treated with the clash of the titans known as Washington v. Anonymous Twentysomethings. We started the whole fracas, we’ll admit, with a little comedic piece about Alonzo being held hostage by septuagenarian favorite KMBC. Alonzo struck back with a blog entry on MySpace — and now the man himself has composed another entry about our lack of understanding when it comes to… muscle shirts? And man, does he play it fast and loose with the King’s English. What follows is a verbatim transcript of A-Dub’s blog, complete with editing notes. Oh, and that’s his photo of him — playing charades, we assume. Gun show! Right?


The thing I like about being into the blogger scene is that it allows me to play around. As a activist (really? You know the vowel rule, right?) I see & (questionable ampersand usage; this isn’t Wheel of Fortune) hear about all kinds of bad things.  So, on this blog I keep it kind of light to gain attend (huh?) from people who would never watch me on the news.  This Myspace, Twitter, Youtube & Godtube  thang (this isn’t a Snoop Dogg song, sir) has really worked for me. However, it does get me into a lot of fights with local blogger (non-count noun?). I look at it as fun.  Some say mean things about me.  However, when they put me in their blogs it just helps me (not so sure).  Now, this blogger says I need to get rid of my tank tops (false — we just requested the occasional deployment of an arm-covering garment).  I play them (is that what The Kids say?) a lot in the summer.  It’s hot in this hell hole we call KC.  All I can say is that a tank top go’s (oh, lord) a long way. I am a old (you mean “an”?) guy & I am happy I am still in shape.  I am very surpised (SpellCheck is pretty simple, really) at the response I get from ladies of all races & ages when I wear one. They tend to touch me a lot. (Awk-waaaard.) They smile at me & pay me homage. (You’re not Louis XIV, mon frere.) I am a married man & I down with my wifey (uh, what?). However, all old guys are happy to know that the ladies still check them out.  Although, (terrible comma placement) I wear tanks only to beat the heat. I also think this blogger should give me a break. I wear a lot of suits & leather jackets in my interviews also (leather jackets? Is it for a Harley-Davidson Channel interview?).  Reading what bloggers say about me makes me laugh. (Likewise.) It always trips me out to hear how people see me. I am really just a shy (hmm?) guy trying to fight the good fight in this hell hole & I am keeping my tank tops. Read this.

Alonzo Washington

We already knew that Alonzo Washington’s title was “Forever Foe Of Injustice/Crimefighter” — but who knew that it also included “Dedicated Opponent Of All Syntax And Grammar Rules”? We share your opposition to senseless murder, A-Dub, but is it so hard to follow Strunk & White’s (note the correct ampersand usage) little guidelines? We’d say no.

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Filed under Crime, Grammar, Media, Oddities